Something I have been thinking about these past few months,

For starters, I was told by a high school friend I  used to hang out with that another  1 of  us  has been  in jail  too  for meth....http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/lake/lowell/article_d51654c5-f1fe-56fc-8dc8-4897cb10b16b.html  or a possible meth lab etc;/// These 2 ladies , the one that told me  and the one that is in the story...  I can't believe  it  .. but  then  with Marlo... yea I can... In a way.

Speaking about friendship... I feel  like I am losing some  e-friends .. not as  close as we used to be... I don't know...If you know the saying.. I am being  ghosted out... Well  the way I feel  I am...

I don't think I have  done any wrong doing to anybody..If I have.. they are not saying...

  Some of  my friends in real life ghost me   either because  I can't relate  to  having the choice of having  children of my own  so I can't swap stories.  Some people feel like I don't know what it's  like.. Sorry other that not breast feeding/carrying  for 9 months and giving birth... I  helped raised Ashlie...  now helping with Ava and Abby with a total of  soon-to- be 24 years.. give or take a few years in between Lois moving.--My sis by the  way..

Others have ghost me because I chosen  to work on the graveyard shift... and couldn't "party" all the time  when they wanted to...

Another thing bothering me... My health...Mentally.. I am sooo not going there.. but, yea  that needs to be checked...

A  few  months back I thought  I  felt a  lump  in my left breast.. No I  didn't tell family... not  yet not until I make an appointment...  and to make sure... because on and off  it was there  then  it wasn't... Not there  now,,, But still making that  appointment..

I am beginning  to have irregular  cycles again  too... I was 2 weeks late.. So I should've had one late in the month last month  but  It  start  in the beginning of this 1... No I  didn't think I was preggo...(Sex would have to happen  with that , eh) But Now  I am  2 weeks  early{Or having  another one again)... So I have a cycle 2ce in 1 month.. oy...  And I can't  have kids... GO FIGURE.... Or  I should say  it is hard for me  to have any..... just a thin thread of a possible...

Another thing of founding out stuff.. My  sister    said  she never sent my tax  returns in...  So I have been waiting alll  this damn time...  and Nadda,.... I  wanted things to be done already and taken care  of...

No,  I  am not  gonna buy a whole bunch of  stupid  stuff..

1) file  bankruptcy

2) clothes I need... work pants.. socks.. gym shoes,,,-- desperately need.

Maybe  finally move out.

I might  do only 1 or 2 things of spending.. but trust me... not  much money into it

Other week  my guinea pig died... Chuckii... If people  knew   what she meant to me... They would understand......

My routine of coming home is not the same... Take the dogs out.. feed the cats  and g-pigs, give the dogs a treat(feeding is later)

 hour later after I eat and after  other human functions let me....

I  had Chuckii on my lap while I was on the p.c.  for  an hour or a little less if she gets antsy... Just loving her... :-( not anymore... 

Stress  level at work is not helping...

Though my  boss  tried to play a practical joke on me saying I was being written  up for something... Which  it  turned out was  just a recognition for  not calling in   for a whole  year......

 I haven't called in for  a while/// Well  last time I called in  was  having a emergency D.and C. :-(

I am not diabetic  but I show low iron.... But  my blood   will show that anyways,,,,I have the Cooleys trait... thalamassia (sp)beta(NOT the alpha) I can't take man-made iron just have my  greenies  and my steak :-), I  have good cholesteral (sp)  But I might  have high blood pressure still... {Gee I wonder if drinking my Nos caused it.}

My online best friend is hurting and I can't see  him... To be there  for him...

My family is making me insane...

I  don't  have that happy-feeling-go-lucky anymore..

My  wall has been built up with concrete and steel...

I don't care what I look like at work anymore...

As  long as I am clean.. hair brushed,, and do not smell anywhere.. I am  fine.. I am not trying to impress  anyone...

I hate my phobias,,, I am a Sagittarius I  should  be able to want to travel... Scares of  driving on expressways,,, planes  and trains... plane  and trains on catching up and knowing where to go  and get  off..  My simple mind  I would most likely  have to be told   a thousands of times and maybe a few  maps ..lol

My  dad has not been  feeling to well... All through my years I have known  him to be  the strong one in the family... The one I look up too... The one  who always  had my back and  that was there  for me...

I felt  lately  on  by  not doing a few things,,  or achieving a few things  that I was set out to do.. I have not only let myself down.. I have let him down...

Since I have a simple mind..  Not knowing or understand many "Big " words or things. I think  it only  bothered him a little..  He knows I love him... But I think .. Hell  I  dunno...

My sister "uses"  my simple mind  to an advantaged... Just because I don't know what's going on  right there and then.. Doesn't mean  I won't find out later.

Yes, Boys and girls... My  sister  is a users. as in she uses  people  for her own personal gain... I  forgot    to mention  the 2-face thing... I am not going to put   examples...Hell that's another blog all together.

Eh... That's  all the on the top of my head.. Had enough?