This is mostly the time of year that I would just love to hide and become a bear.. Hibernate.
I don't know if it's because of all the mixed emotions from other people.... The Cold, driving on ice or snow.
People wouldn't think I shouldn't be... My thirty-eighth birthday is coming up.. December fifteenth ..
Christmas... New years..
Just let me say this... I used to love birthdays.. I like others more than mine...
I used to love Christmas..... Seventeen years of working retail will ruin that.
I recently loss(okay ,last year) the person I have been looking for for a while... MY --from elementary through high school--Best friend,.When I found her... Only a few messages from her than ..~poof I got a message from her brother that she had many mental disorders that she had committed suicide... Was missing since Dec. 11th,, killed herself around then.. They found her right before Christmas..
She would've been thirty-nine next month...
Some days when I am lying in bed, I look up and start talking to her even though she can't reply back..
Then my tears come ..
Think another part of my problem is my debt issue.. Every time I get ahead for my goal to end that..Something else pokes its' ugly head out..
I will be 38, back living with my dad... getting stressed over my sister and her 3 kids..
I have a brain that doesn't function to well...(Learning disability)
I get to emotional( negative this time of year...)
I feel like 1 person is hurting me and another one is trying to distance themselves away...
An online best friend is hurting so badly and will be hospitalized soon... and I can't do anything for him.
I do not know why...
I do not take any relationship for granted,, love or just friends.
I don't open up much.. maybe..I do to some and that scares them?
Might be afraid that someone can use that against me
I try to joke to make everyone laugh even though I am trying to make myself too
I dislike the freezing rain, and the snow that gets stuck on the roads...
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